Breaking Free from Perfectionism: The Hidden Cause of Your Overwhelm

Being a single parent can feel like a never-ending juggling act. From managing finances on a single income, balancing work and childcare, to finding a few minutes for yourself, it can often feel like you're running on empty. But there’s one hidden source of stress that you may not even realise is affecting your day-to-day life: perfectionism.

As a life coach for single parents, I’ve seen first-hand how perfectionism can drive parents to the brink of exhaustion. The idea that you need to do everything perfectly—whether it's keeping the house spotless, cooking elaborate meals, or excelling at work—can fuel overwhelm and guilt. But here's the truth: perfectionism isn't serving you and it might just be the thing holding you back from creating the life you deserve.

How Perfectionism Feeds Overwhelm

Let’s take a moment to reflect on your last bout of overwhelm. Was it the sheer volume of tasks that overwhelmed you, or was it the belief that everything had to be perfect? If you're honest, it could be a bit of both. As a single parent, you’re already managing a lot. But when we add the pressure to make everything flawless, it only increases the emotional load.

For example, you might feel the need to cook Instagram-worthy meals every night, keep your home looking pristine (even if you're the only one cleaning it), or excel at work to prove that your family situation isn’t affecting your performance. These high standards may make you feel like you’re doing your best, but they also rob you of the joy in the small wins and the ability to truly relax. Perfectionism isn't just about a checklist—it’s an emotional burden that leads to guilt, anxiety, and self-doubt.

The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism

Perfectionism often stems from good intentions. You want the best for your children and you want to show the world (and yourself) that you’ve got this single-parent thing under control. But the reality is that perfectionism often leads to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. It keeps you from celebrating what you’re doing right, and instead, it focuses on what you perceive you're doing wrong.

Think about it: after a playdate at another parent's house, do you go home and criticise yourself for not having everything in order? Or do you feel the need to go above and beyond at work to prove you're managing your home life too? These are all signs that you may be measuring your worth by an unrealistic standard. And the result? A heavy emotional toll that leaves you feeling burnt out.

Shifting Your Focus: Letting Go of the 'Perfect Parent' Myth

One of the first steps in reducing overwhelm is reframing your idea of perfection. It’s important to remember that perfectionism is a story we tell ourselves—one that doesn’t reflect the reality of parenthood. Your worth as a parent isn’t measured by how flawless your home is or how many activities you can juggle at once. It's measured by the love and care you give your children, and the effort you put into building a life that aligns with your values.

To help shift your mindset and let go of unrealistic expectations, try these steps:

1. Acknowledge the Pressure
   Perfectionism often goes unnoticed until we stop and ask ourselves, “What’s really driving this stress?” Ask yourself, “Am I holding myself to standards I wouldn’t expect from someone else?” If you wouldn’t expect a friend in your position to have everything perfectly organised, why are you putting that pressure on yourself?

2. Prioritise What Truly Matters
   Let go of the smaller, less important tasks that don’t align with your core values. Ask yourself, “What’s most important in this situation?” For example, when planning a birthday party, it’s not about having the perfect decorations or party favours. The key goal is for your child and their friends to have a good time. Once you identify what truly matters, you can focus on what’s essential and let go of the rest.

3. Challenge Your Internal Narrative
   Perfectionism often has deep roots in past experiences or societal expectations. Take time to reflect on the story you tell yourself. Are you trying to meet someone else's idea of what a “perfect” single parent should look like? Or are you prioritising your own happiness and that of your family? It’s important to challenge these internal narratives and understand where they come from.

Embrace Imperfection and Celebrate Progress

Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean you stop caring about doing your best—it means you start caring about what really matters: your wellbeing and your connection with your family. Start focusing on the big picture and celebrating the things you're doing well. As a single parent, your job is hard enough without adding extra stress by trying to be perfect.

By releasing the pressure to be flawless, you’ll free yourself from the emotional burden of guilt and anxiety. And in turn, you’ll be able to find more balance and joy in your daily life. Remember, being real is more valuable than being perfect. Good enough is often all you need and sometimes that’s better than chasing an unattainable ideal.

Ready to Let Go of Perfectionism?

If perfectionism is leaving you feeling overwhelmed and stuck, it’s time to reframe your approach. Start by asking yourself the tough questions to identify when perfectionism is creeping into your day. Then, explore the roots of these tendencies and shift your perspective.

By letting go of the need to do it all perfectly, you’ll make space for more balance, more joy, and ultimately, more peace. You’re already doing an amazing job—now it’s time to give yourself the grace you deserve.

Work With Me

I help single parents, co-parents and solo parents who are struggling with loneliness and feelings of guilt to find balance in their lives and build a life they love for them and their children. If you’d like to find out more, book your free, no-obligation consultation call.

Read next: Overcoming Single Parent Guilt